Examples below are direct work with clients. The topics described can be difficult and, above all, painful, both for mothers and fathers, as well as for the entire family. If you, or people close to you, have had experiences of miscarriage, pregnancy fraud by your partner, unrealized promises about having a child together with former partners and unwanted pregnancies, I recommend that you do not read the examples, because they could be painful for you, and they can also trigger traumatic moments. I recommend that you do not read out of curiosity, if these topics are close to your personal experiences.
The power of Constellation practice and the consciousness of the unborn child
From "everyday hardships" to difficult fates, everyone carries his own burden on his heart, and the courage for humility and taking responsibility for the solution of the problem lies at the heart of the systemic constellation. In Constellation work, it is not about good and bad, about taking a stand. It is about finding the best solutions for everyone and bringing peace to the heart of the client and the soul of the family. It is about the intelligence of love and the universal goodness that governs the natural laws revealed in the works.
Systemic constellations show that everything that was once created has the right to belong in its good place within the family system. For example, regardless of whether the mother is aware of it or not, if the child is conceived after which it failed, it tends to recognize its creation. This is about the recognition of the heart and soul of the family, about systemic recognition.
Research says:” It is believed that the highest rate of pregnancy loss is in the early stages of pregnancy, when the pregnancy cannot be determined by clinical tests. " in other words, if the child is not in the mother's consciousness, the mother is unable to recognize the child, because she is not in her consciousness. There are natural laws that led to complications and then we can say that the child “did not have the strength” to succeed. It's a force majeure. In cases of induced abortions, guilt and certain forms of self-punishment occur, which after the Constellation works recede.
A mother's heart never sleeps.
Systemic imbalances and mental pain were also shown in reverse destinies: in cases of the creation of unwanted children and in cases when the mother was forced to give birth. Sometimes the retention of a child can create much worse consequences than a child who is spontaneously or induced miscarriage.
How do I figure this out?
I am the living system of everything visible and invisible that has come to me and that is constantly intertwined and alive within me. The system of what came from my ancestors to me: all that came from my mother to me and all that came from my father to me. In me are the events that lived in the lives of all my ancestors, in my life as well. I am the dream of all my ancestors. What my ancestors could only dream of, is that I am free/free to live. Bert Hellinger
Numerous constellational, psychological and psychiatric observations from practice warn that from the moment of conception it is necessary to observe man in his wholeness and indivisibility.
Try the examples below to read with kindness in your heart.
A. "Brother, sister, I wanted you very much to be born."- Rejecting one's own femininity and creating business success. Heart murmur.
A woman in her thirties came up with the question: "all women are kind of gentle, and I'm kind of masculine, even though I don't feel that way at all, I'm just realistic. Men Tell me I'm “like a brother” to them and I feel less and less like going to work. I'd like to find a partner already.”
That's a lot of questions in one.
The issue of femininity is important here, because as a silent thread it runs in explaining how the client feels and what is happening. We put only one position into work: her as her femininity. The representative of” her femininity " after a while sat on the floor. The work showed that she had three brothers and one sister who were miscarried spontaneously. She didn't know about them.
At this moment, it is necessary to realize that spontaneously aborted children always know who their brother, who sister, who mother, who father, and seek their place of belonging.
Instead of the client, the client came in. It was about time. The client cried for a long time. She looked first at her first brother, then at her second, then at her third, and finally at her sister. Each look seemed to last for hours. The client said with her gaze to everyone, “I wanted you so much to be born, I can't let you go.” "My soul hurts that you are gone, my heart will break."
After the work, the client said: I have a 3.5 millimeter heart murmur at birth and three damaged nerves on my right arm. Now I know why.
According to him, the client was born in such a way that she held her right hand to the heart, where some nerves did not develop, or were damaged during childbirth.
This indicates that most likely some of the brotherse billi conceivedi at a time when she sama. But I did not go to check that detail because it was irrelevant to the client's soul and her life.
Today, she develops her own business and sees herself as a woman.
B. Whose child was miscarried? - Child victim of abuse at prenatal age
The man raised the question of his own guilt over the sudden loss of desire for intimate relations with his then partner. The partner, in his words, was a wonderful person “like an angel."But he feels guilty because of his lack of lust for her, he ended the relationship. Furthermore, he had dreams of a child – a beautiful angel girl.
How to approach work?
Any person who comes with the statement:” I am guilty " wants a solution that will adequately return to that other, innocent party what belongs to her because of the act of unlawful taking. Such an attitude almost always speaks of the dynamics of the victim and the perpetrator. But it always has to be confirmed.
The work showed that in the client-girlfriend system there was a child who was spontaneously or intentionally miscarried. The child was still attached to the mother and in enormous fear of the client's representative (a client's representative is a person who enters the work instead of the client, in order to make the information more objective).
It was confusing that the representative of the client did not want to take responsibility for the paternity of the child and that the child was afraid of him. He thought he was not the father. Here, the fear of the child when focusing on the client representative can easily be associated with the fear of rejection from the family system, the fear of death or the trauma that the act of abortion itself caused. But these prejudices must be strongly resisted by the constellation.
I've introduced another representative for the” real " father of the child. The representative went to the mother and the child and discovered what was hidden – there was indeed another man with whom the girl had become pregnant. When the child looked at the real father, the fear disappeared.
How to explain the fear of the child directed at the representative of the client? While the child was alive in the mother's womb before the abortion was performed, the child felt that the sexual act of” not the father", i.e. the very act of penetration of the client into the mother of the child was trying to hurt the child. In other words, intention about the intimate relationship of a pregnant woman with another man who is not the father of the child, in the child himself caused fear of violence, and intimate chin the child was perceived as abusive and” not the father " as abusive.
Of course the client, who was not the father, sensed it all unknowingly and moved away. His body knew what not to do. The body is intelligent and brave.
So, although the mother enjoys the intimate act with another partner, if the child came from another man, he is a direct victim of abuse in the prenatal age and this should be taken seriously. Ideas that what the mother enjoys, the child enjoys while in the womb, in this case not correct.
The client saw his ex – girlfriend as an angel because in a way she was-she was in a different, “blissful” state. The client's dream of a little girl like an angel was indeed true, because there was a miscarried female child who “lives in heaven”.
After working, the client entered into a relationship with another woman he is still with today, and he did not return to the ex-girlfriend with whom he broke up a long time ago.
C. "I want your unborn child." - Aggressive conflict between neighbors grew into deep fear and unrest
When we take a closer look, in almost every building or street there is at least one neighbor who does not give us peace. This neighbor seeks peace, and in every way tries to reach him, even through unrest.
Often looking at others, pointing fingers at others, judging others, gossiping others, making fun of others, can show that this is exactly what we do not have the courage to look at in our lives, which is very painful to us or we do not have the awareness of what happened. Can we say: “I will never point fingers at other people again.“? So we'd rather turn around and look at what's important.
The client came up with the question: “I have a neighbor, he disturbs and attacks me a lot, and I am afraid of him.”
I've put in place a client, a representative for a neighbor and her neighbor-husband. The neighbor's wife sat on the floor, and then the client. It turned out that the neighbor had miscarried children, and the client was unsure about the spontaneous abortion she suspected. The dynamic was that the neighbor violently wanted to take the child away from the client and take care of him as her own, and she didn't want to look at her unborn children.. The neighbor wanted his unborn children to be taken care of by her client. This dynamic is called "My Brigo pass on to others," which means, " my life is harder than yours,” which means, “your life is in my hands, no matter how much it costs me.” As you can see, the expression “my Brigo pass on to others” is not always harmless, however it may seem as we speak it.
In this work, it was clearly seen that unborn children knew who whose mother was, but one mother did not have the strength to look at them and there was a systemic mixing of two families living under the same roof, each on its own floor. Here we prove again that, according to the constellations, the home does not know “whose whose home is”, but sees all occupants as one system. It follows from this that the family is not only by blood relation, but also by Destiny related to the place of living – the state, the city, the neighborhood, the building. If one family or a family member helped another (saved their life, fed them, or grossly took their life or property) and thus strongly influenced their fate, according to systemic constellations, he also belongs to the family. Destiny for the soul and the person, it's all family.
The pain was great. But a mother's heart is enduring and full of love.
At the end of the work, everyone accepted their children and introduced them into their system by giving them a place that belonged to them. It's also a special place in the heart. We can be humble and respectful to others. This clearly shows that the system does not know the living and the dead, and that life always brings to us what will bring the invisible to light, and helps us to live more in peace and love in community with others.
D. "Dad, look at your mom."- Symptoms of constant alertness that lead to an anxiety disorder
The girl came with a symptom of constant alertness leading to anxiety, or as she explained “I can't relax. I can't close my eyes and rest. Whenever something bad happens to me, I always have to be alert and alert.”
Psychologists say: "what also characterizes people who suffer from anxiety is a state of alert. Due to unclear anxiety, people are constantly on guard, because they feel that some danger is approaching them.”
The condition described by the clientele could also be linked to extreme extraversion and interest in multiple areas of life, which she later discussed. But this was not the subject of the work and it was not seen in the work.
I just started working with a client representative, i.e. her as a child. The child gave indications of a return to the prenatal period, the era when it was in the womb of the mother. Then I introduced representatives for mother and father. The father looked around, not at the mother, not at the child. The mother only looked at the child. And the child was in a constant state of readiness looking at the father. The child could not relax, close his eyes or fall asleep in the womb of the mother.
Then I told the representative of the child, i.e. clients, to tell father: "Dad, please look at my mom.”
After that, things set in motion: when dad looked at his mother and his mother at his child, the child could relax, close his eyes, and fall asleep in peace. The father's focus on the mother of the child, i.e. loyalty and loyalty of a man to a pregnant woman, love for a woman and care for a woman have a significant impact on the feeling peace of mind, a sense of peace and personal strength child before and after birth.
Half a year after work, the girl improved her relationship with her father, began to work part-time, which she believes is good for her during this period, she relaxes more and stated that she no longer has excessive concern for everyday things.
E. "Is my father my biological father?"- Manipulation and false gurus
The client came up with a very clear question “ " is my father my biological father?”. I brought in one representative for her, one for her father. It is very clear from the work that her father is indeed her biological father. That's where I stopped work.
But the client continued: "But how is he My father when everything indicates that he is not?”. This was the first manipulation of the work, and it was done by the client, in order to maintain the arrogance and avoid accepting the truth, the father just as he is. She says, " I don't want you as a father. You don't live up to my standards. I will grow up the way I want to, and I will choose my own father even though I have already been conceived and born. My conception is in my power. I am greater than God.”
This view is directly against the theory and practice of Constellation work, since the constellations clearly show that without the mother there is no life and without the father there is no potential for growth, and the search for any alternative path leads to the illusion of choice, manipulation and distorted spirituality. When we do not accept the father and do not want to look because we think that it hurts too much and that our love for the father will lead us to emotional overload, then we look at what is above the father, which is God, or a false god if it is about manipulative escapism.
The father is hard to accept just as he is (although the mother is even harder), and I had an understanding of the client's maneuvers. I introduced another representative for the” other " father. Then I brought my mother in. The work showed that the mother had an illusory relationship with an earlier partner in which they dreamed of having children together, and this partner had the illusion that the client was his daughter. This unresolved manipulative illusion still had a strong impact on the definition of a “real” father in a client's life. In the mother's heart, the earlier partner was indeed the father of the child.
I ended the work with the sentence: “here are all manipulators”.
The client opened his eyes. She accepted her biological father as a real father, came out of manipulative relationships, moved out of the state and found her own life mission and place in society, and returned to her hometown, to her father and mother. "It was the biggest growth for the clientele and the biggest success of her life so far.
Unresolved partner issues in the heart of the mother (but also the father) before, in the intention of conception, during pregnancy and throughout the life of the child can have a strong influence on the relationship of the child with the biological father, as well as on all the questions that come from the father: the question of growing up and potential for growth, professional progress, the question of sexuality, security, relationships with men, their own role in society and much more.
F. "Birth as an exorcism."- Mental illness after childbirth due to the forced retention of the child.
Special attention, kindness, tenderness, extreme alertness, extreme cognitive and mental immersion and thorough preparation for work are needed as a good inner attitude of constellators in working with any diagnosis, let alone with mental disorders.
The work showed that as a young woman in her twenties, the client became pregnant and did not want to keep the child. For her, abortion was the only choice. For her, the act of miscarriage was her destiny. But because of social and religious pressure, family pressure was not allowed. It went against the family conscience. During pregnancy, the girl began to perceive her own child as a foreign body, and childbirth as an act of exorcism.
Today, a woman is a functional member of society and takes care of herself. She has a good relationship with her child and socializing with others makes her happy. I'll stop here.
G. "Children of tyrants."- Assuming the fate of the killer in the pre-natal stage
For this work, due to its exceptional sensitivity, I will say only a few things.
It is possible that the code unwanted children by the mother, the child in the prenatal stage does not fully take the life that came to him through his mother, and thus his fate that belongs to him at birth. Then the child turns to an alternative life and an alternative fate given to him by the family system. This is possibly the fate of the first ancestor whom the system ordered to be “pushed” back into the system due to the broken order of exclusion in order to become visible, in a way that someone else will live his fate, and this is precisely the unwanted child who could not accept his own fate.
Since not receiving life from the mother is actually the inner movement of the child towards death, the child is receptive to living the fate of the one who served death, and this is an ancestor who is excluded from the family line due to the status of the murderer.
The questions we can ask are:
- Am I a wanted child and are all my children seen, wanted and loved?
- How can we live better together?
In the work with clients, it was shown that abortion in the family that is not adequately accepted, i.e. where the mother does not want or can not see the child who is no longer among the living, it has a multifaceted impact on health, happiness, success, partnership, finances and relationships within the family.
Abortion in which the mother is not available for living children, abortion as the inability to create their own career path and loss of money, abortion as the strength of living children to start a business. These are only certain examples that all, both living and those who are not with us, are entitled to their good place in the family, which belongs to them by creation.
